Friday, 11 December 2009

Day so far

I went to a breakfast networking meeting this morning which went well and my mood was up generally good vibe from those meetings -

I got back to the office and my biz partner is a in a shit with me still which I can hardly blame her for as I was a total arse yesterday but her and our sales guy Mike leave on a meeting and the air is tense.

I proceed to over think all afternoon and I am thus confused and irritable

They get back from the meeting and things are calmer and slightly less chilly she calls me an arse tells me she still wants to stab me and things calm a little

She tells me she can't flip her moods like me which is fair enough as she doesn't have my mood disorder and things ease some more.

She leaves on a light note - I think we still have a business
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Thursday, 10 December 2009

I'm not sure what to do

What to say here ?

I've been having some really good days recently, my moods have been really settled and and the bad side when I have dropped back off I have been dropping so low its been horrific!

I don't don't whether my moods have actually got low or whether because my moods have settled now when the do cycle it seems so bad?

When I am having a bad day my head feels full of cotton wool, I am irritable for no reason and I don't know why?

I would love to know why or how?

I think I am going to have to sort my eating out I have been eating crap again, also I haven't excersiced in too long.

I have really upset my business partner and myself today and I just couldn't control him. The problem is getting people to understand!

I was really quite ill a few days ago and I think what with the extra weight I have piled on the lack of excersice the excess stress I have been under maybe I have snapped again!!!

It just feels so dark and I feel so alone

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Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Bad day..... Real shite day actually!!!

Its been bad,

Mr Hyde is trying to get out

Too much caffienne, too much everything

Too much.............

Shaking, spiralling, alone, here he comes an the darkness surrounds
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Sunday, 13 September 2009

I might stay put

I have been giving some thought to moving blogs or setting up a new blog recently.

Why? You ask?

Well my past began to catch up with me, from before I was diagnosed with the bipolar! I have done some shameful things in my past and Im as guilty of them now as I was then. I have apologised to alot of people for some of the things, in fact scratch that almost all of the things I did I have apologised for and yet people still don't get that I am only half and half when I have an episode whether it be a an up episode or a down episode.

I could try explaining bipolar but there are so many different definitions and explainations and forum arguements I'll just google it for you

Anyway, I decided not to move I decided just to stick put moderate my posts and enjoy my blog.

In news, I have been in my new place for 5 weeks now and its really, really homely.

Im starting to get a little bored with being single now, Its been 4 Years and 4 Months now and although I have never really dated in my life I am thinking it might be time to start.

Me and my new business partner are joining the local Gym on the 1st of October in a joint effort to lose weight so mybe that will boost my efforts and my self confidence and hopefully help my social life.....

I took my new business partner and her husband out for a meal on friday and it was a fantastic meal and it was nice to do something socialable and 'adult' which is something I havent really done much of in the past 4 years

Anyway CSI is on now so im off

Be well

L Out

Sunday, 23 August 2009

This blog is Going private

Hi Guys,

This blog is going private for all those wishing to have a read and keep up to date with my insane dribblings drop me an email

if you've been lurking drop my a blog you read or a blog we both read so I can identify how you found me :)

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Message to a follower who thinks she knows me

Read the blog

I have my Personal debt being managed

I had 5 ex'es in my old town that still live there more that don't

Oh and If you read the blog you'd realise I have changed in such a way that I am in. No comparison to the Lee of old

For any harm done I can only apologise

To All and victims of Lee

Be Well
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Saturday, 15 August 2009

What's been going on

Hi Everyone :)

I know you've missed me, yes you have stop trying to hide it :)

Well I'm employed now, I've moved 33 miles north to be nearer my new job, which I am loving and is keeping me a little close to the edge.

Ifor instance wednesday and thursday of this week I had minor episodes in the afternoon and had to go lie down. Other than that I'm happier and more relaxed and more me than I have been in a long time.

I realised only last week that another thing that moving has done for me is helped me escape from a decade of ex's which is always good.

I have become somewhat of a twitterholic of late and would appreciate the follow @leebrookes or @beacon4business for the new job :)

If your on twitter and you want some fune people to follow


All worth a follow :)

The new job is helping me stay on top of technology more than ever which is always good so I'm a happy bunny
So everything is going swimmingly at the moment and other than being really busy I couldn't be happier

Tweet me up peeps

L out
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Friday, 26 June 2009

Not blogged workin too damn hard

Blame my new boss peeps, She's pushing me like a slave driver :)

Not that I'm complaining its great to be at the start of something so new and exciting (but don't tell her she's a bit of a control FREAK (with a capital F) )

I've been on a week long training course this week under her tutalage *spelling* and its been good for a multitude of reasons one I get to see how good she is at her job and she is very good at it (obviously enjoys what she does) and I get to learn new stuff which I love its probably my fourth favourite hobby (***, reading, eating) just in case you wondered.

This week has been long though I am sat on my second train of the day ( overcast but muggy) at 751am o.n Friday morning waiting to leave after setting off at just after 6am and I won't be getting in until gone six so its been a week of exhaustive 12 hour days. Enjoyable twelve hour days but after getting in and eating my body goes into shutdown

So that's why I haven't posted this week !

The other weeks well I've been busy!

Some good news for 12 year old boys everywhere this morning Michael Jackson died !

A sad loss for music some will say and I feel for his family and children but I won't miss the man !

On other news I'm down south on a training course on Tuesday with the new boss so busy busy busy

Ill try an post more regulary

L out
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Monday, 1 June 2009

Long time gone

I had late news last night that the couple I used to work for people I had come to class as friends where retiring

I had worked for these people in their pub real closely for a long time so I had to go and see them and it was nice all their family where there even the daughter who don't speak to me lol (long story, if I was on my bb I'd link it).

There where also some familiar faces

Good times where had by all as well as poignant times it was emotional but fun and the end of an era....

But we saw the night into the morning and the party didn't end til 3am

Yes I have fallen off the wagon

Yes I will get back on

It was worth it

Your a long time gone

L out
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Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Onset headache

I woke with the onset headache and pressure build up that gives me no pain but let's me know I'm gonna feel drained all day (possibly longer) and that I have wolken in a dark dark place, yeah I didn't want to drag my ass Outta bed this morning or answer my phone I had to phone my appointments (after the required staring at phone period) to move everything back

Yep its dark in here today and any help getting out would be greatly appreciated


L out
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Friday, 22 May 2009

Its thursday an I aint had time

Read the title.......


This weather is confusing as hell an I have a family BBQ to be at at the weekend which the weather better be good for so are you bloody well listening weather I am looking for SUN.....

I am thinking the weekend will start around about lunchtime tomorrow ;)

Yeah, it'll depend on work.

I found out I am totally searchable on T'interweb which I am not sure is a good thing or not so I'll have to give that some time.

My Landlord has served me with a repossesion notice today so I am going to be needing somewhere else to live pretty darn soon.....

So any suggestions would be appreciated, I am looking for a private landlord unfurnished with a garden and two bedrooms (one bedroom would be fine but it would need to be a big one)

L Out
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Friday, 15 May 2009

Between Sunday & Here

Hey all.

How is everyone? I know I have missed three days but I have been a little busy bunny on more than a couple fronts. Anyone keeping up with my blog will have noticed I met someone online (G from here on in) well me and G have been emailing, texting and messenging back and forth for four days and last night we actually spoke! An you know what its been a great week!!! I'm not sharing too much with you guys at the moment, you'll get just what you need to know (just know I am smiling, ear to ear) lol.

I have been up early every day this week for my Networking Meetings which I am quite heavily involved in. These meetings have had me thinking how ( as in whether thay have?) productive they have been for my business over the past two weeks or so but this last week they have been really usefull so I think it literally comes down to, you get out what you put in. I would have been a lot more spritely at a couple of the meetings this week but I was talking to a certain someone (G) til the early hours on a couple of days so I only got the minimum sleep and when I got back today I was proper pooped so had me a catnap when I got in at 5 today! lol

This means I am probably not gonna sleep tonight...

On other news I havent caught up with any other bloggers this week so I am gonna get over to a few and see whats going on in the blogosphere

I have been trying hard to stick to my healthy living plan and have managed to pretty well and am starting to really feel the benefits now :) I feel better I acan get up in the morning when I have had a late night, and still feel alive :)

In looking after myself news I am thinking of trying to get over to Paris next month to see Korn in concert & I was talking to my best mate Dan today and I am gonna shoot down to London at the end of next Month and have a day or two with him and his missus :)

So its all going well at the moment and I have one or two things to look forward to....

I have just thought the only thing I have forgotten to mention is I havent been concentrating enough on my meditation so that is my goal for next week and beyond :)

Ok Peeps

L Out

Monday, 11 May 2009

Sundays are normally quiet

Well people I have had quite an unusual day today;) very good unusual but still for me different...

Anyone who knows me knows I can be chronically shy and find it hard to communicate with people sometimes especially the opposite sex since the ex left me an I had my self esteem shattered things have been on the up over the last couple of years and very recently I joined an online dating site ( This is your fault Netchick )

Well somebody contacted me today and at about 5 o'clock I had an email asking if I was using that site she had found me outside of the site :) myspace then the blog apparently well 22 emails 14 texts later and we get to chatting on messenger, regardless of what happens *wink* from here I have made a very good friend today

Everyone say Hi to girliestofgirls cus she's reading this

L out
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Saturday, 9 May 2009

Me & Karma

I would like to take the opportunity to (Fresh prince of Bel air theme now playing in my head) state to you guys that I have done some pretty stoopid things in the past hence my last post and so would state that Karma isn't shooting me down in a plume of napalm and rocket fire for recent events!

She is paying me back for events prior, which I am ok with 'cus we all have to be accountable for our actions eventually so I say let it roll...

I'll take the wheat (although I'm on a wheat free diet at the mo') with the chaff and just aim to keep my head above water...

If anything its helping me with my resolve to look inwardly at the moment and strengthen my inner self which I am working on with a friend who is also helping me with my health and fitness so I am going to redress the balance on a whole.

On another note a friend of mine from the blogosphere isnt having too good a time of it at the moment so please pop over drop her a positive comment we all need people to just say hi to us every now and again!

So things are rocky but every now and again rocky is good it helps to look for the positive in all situations

Friday, 8 May 2009

Decisions, decisions, decisions

I don't know what I've done but I've got to redress the balance as Karma is gunning for me at the moment and she's determined not to miss.

The basis of it is my landlord is looking to evict me

Business is slow.....

Not bad just slow!

The question is have I been putting enough effort in to the business and if I increase the input will I get just returns or.......

Do I take the plunge and get a job!

Yes that's right get a real job joining the ranks of the gainfully employed..

A friend from the blogosphere Fauve says it depends on how long it has been? Which has given me food for thought!

I am not sure if I don't know or if its just a case of the fact that I'm scared

L out
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Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Work life

I have been going through a transition in my personal life just lately and I am beginning to question whether my current job Ie. Running my own business is for me

I am easily distracted and never seem to be able to focus on my spirituality as much as I would like and at the end of the day I'm not getting enough me time!!!!

Do I join the rat Race or persevere
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Saturday, 2 May 2009

Writers block with good news

I have been meaning to update my blog all week but I have been suffering from writers block.

Today though I had some good news on my new healthy living plan I have lost 15lb on 5 days :) and I'm actually getting into the swing of it now.

I have had a couple of comments from well wishers asking whether I am getting enough nutrion?

Well in answer to those questions yes its a diet used by hospitals ;)

In other news I'm off the nicotine and the alcohol ;)

And I feel great!

L out
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Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Feeling ok but can I turn breakfast down?

Morning all

I started my new healthy living plan yesterday, which for the first day involves nothing but a fat burning soup and fruit to eat and stopping eating at 8pm and an early night and.........

You know what I actually feel better for it, it remains to be seen how I fair for the rest of the week I get soup vegetables and a single baked potato today ;)

I'm committed though and my goals are set

And now I'm off to the first of my networking meetings this morning to face no cooked breakfast !!!!

Wish me luck ;)

L out
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Sunday, 26 April 2009

I am now actively looking

For what? You ask yourselves

Well the title isn't strictly true you see tomorrow I start on my new me Healthy living plan with the aid of my personal trainer who is awesome btw and I know with her help I will not only feel better mentally and physically and I have been single for 4 years now and I have been actively avoiding the opposite sex like it was a bacteria because I felt I had to be comfortable with me before I was capable of allowing myself to get involved with anyone.

So although I am not actually going to actively seek out anything I am going to lower my. Barriers somewhat.

I'll maybe bore (spelling) you guys later with the story of how my defences got raised but I finally ended that drama. the weekend before last when my best friend was up from London.

So I'm Single ;)

Hello World


L out
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Saturday, 25 April 2009

New me coming soon

I have signed up to a healthy living plan with my 'new' personal trainer and as part of this she wants me to keep a journal and guess what?

You guys get to read it because Natural Mental Implosion is going to be my new 'me' Journal.

Well I've been on here for three years now and only really used it for chit chat and mindless porings, finally you might get something worth reading. Please note I said 'might' don't expect miracles I'm not upto them just yet!

So what's brought this on you ask well I need to lose weight I want to quit smoking and just lately there is a rumour I have been getting a little more attention from the ladies.....

More on that later for now thanks for reading and pop by soon and drop me a comment

L out
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Thursday, 26 March 2009

I stole this quiz from Fauve cus I'm lazy

Wrath:Very High
Lust:Very High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Lee Is sleeping out in the open at Foxfield Railway on January the 30th and would really appreciate your support.


I'm taking part in the ARCH SLEEPOUT & ASSOCIATED EVENTS 2009 on 30/01/2009
to raise money for Arch (North Staffs) and I'd really appreciate your

Please give anything you can the smallest amount counts

It's easy to sponsor us online by credit or debit card - just go to our
Justgiving page:

Justgiving sends your donation straight to Arch (North Staffs) and
automatically reclaims Gift Aid if you're a UK taxpayer, so your donation is
worth even more. I hope you'll join us in supporting Arch (North Staffs).

Thank you so much from me and everyone who Arch helps.



Lee Brookes

IT Consultant

Brookes Consultants

<> tn

Group Leader of Stone 4Networking Breafast group click below for More

<> Meet_like_know_trusth

Friday, 9 January 2009

Poorly sick

Hello faithful reader,

I haven't gone back on my promise or anything as far as not posting, I promise. Its just that I have hardly known who I am this last week let alone what I have been doing well enough to post about it!

Here in th UK we've had snow cold snaps and this virus / Infection thingy that has me knocking back meds like the really nice liquorice allsorts that are never left when you get to a pack....

Also what with it being a new year I have been reminisng on things lost mainly friendships.

One you all know about I'd link to it but I'm on my blackberry the other two are a little different. The first concerns a relationship I had with a woman who was posted as B and I think we fell out. Over what I'm still not sure I just remember her last words to me "why do you talk to me?"

I really miss her sometimes we didn't speak sometimes we didn't get on but she was a friend for a long time....

Number two knows who she is, she reads this blog we had a thing, I was a bastard to her she didn't deserve it we parted five or so years later we got baack in touch she's married now with another child we got on better than before we chat regularly then her husband finds out and she does the decent thing and we don't communicate again...

I miss her too

Number three

Well she broke me into small pieces and left me to rot and although I'm over her I need to get her out of my system as I think that's the last thing from stopping me from moving on its gonna be 4 years in may that I will have been on my own since her and I'm started to want that company, you know bottle of wine on the sofa candles and relaxing music or something good to eat and just enjoying each others company......

Oh an let's not forget the sex!

L out
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