Well I went to see the doc yesterday I got up feeling rough and slightly deaf and I thought this ain't right surely? So on arriving at the office I rang for an emergency appointment and surprisingly enough got one, toddled off down to the doc he looks down my ear and his first words are eurrgh….
Which I wasn't expecting, turns out I have had this ear infection for a couple of weeks an my body has been ignoring it or I have who knows, well he puts me on ear spray and antibiotics, I then have to inform him I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow for my prescription for ssri's to make sure things to conflict. Now this was strange for me cus I never really used to take tablets and all of a sudden my life is to be very involved arrange around these weird little pills. They are going to improve my quality of life greatly so I don't mind its just strange for me to think I will rely on someone other than myself. I asked my doc who was really good by the way about the issues with ssri's and he put me at ease saying look if something is wrong you fix it that is what you are doing with the ssri's an when he put it like that I thought "yeah that makes sense".
So I troddled off to see my psychiatrist today who I talked about the issues I have been having and how the boundary between work and play and my dark days is getting blurry and that I thought I was ready to accept chemical help in sorting this issue out and he told me he would write the scrip for me refer me for some confidence building therapy and see how I coped on the meds. You know what I already feel slightly better I am out of sorts today but I already feel slightly more at ease in myself in that I am a step closer to the end to this dark evolution of me I am sure I will come out the other side a better and more understanding person but I have to say this journey has been pants….
On a different note I have been invited to my mums 49th birthday bash tomorrow to which I am going hesitantly but I really do have to go there are bridges that need building there so it's a first step and all but I am on antibiotics at the mo and I really should stay on them and continue the course, but do I sneak a wee drinky in tomorrow night (we all know where one leads come on lets be realistic its me compulsive addictive personality over here) or do I be a good boy and stay sober….
Well answers on a postcard please
I gave my psychiatrist the url to this blog today so if you're here and reading it welcome and thanks for everything