Ok lets change the subject ;)

Well whats happened this weekend I worked til late on friday and then went to the pub and had a few beers, I saw "You" out with some random she was on a date and although I have no right to be pissed off I really was and am

I worked til late again last night and we met up with one of the guys who has been doing some part time work with us "G" until he landed a job in conjuction with his politics Degree. Well "G" landed said job and flies out to brussels on tuesday so we had arranged to have a couple of beers with george to wish him the best and "you" came in cus she knows "G"'s brother well and they were off to the local late jazz bar and we chatted and I got chatting to "you" and we laughed about the fact that she was covered in red food colouring (She is a creative hurricane, but thats a whole different story )

She told me about the date and how he's ok and she may well see him again and how they had a laugh cus they ended up in the casino and I was pleased for her but again gutted because I have been a fool

I let my heart rule my head I'm not decisive enough when it comes to women and I don't just go out there and get what I want I sit back and hope it comes to me, I am royally crap with women.

This isnt the first time this has happened, Since I split with "L" nearly two years ago now I havent really properly moved on I havent been with another women since "L" and although I don't think I am still in love with "L" I will always love her, I think it is about time I move on

I dont know what or how I am going to do it but I need to

The problem is I am really quite picky when it comes to women not physically or anything I like to be able to have a conversation with a women I like a strong intelligent women who can argue her point and express her opinion

I am not particulary highly sexed

Don't get me wrong I enjoy it and crave it regulary like the next man but I dont look for it first and I dont think I am forward enough when it comes to sex or intimacy, I think I possibly have intimacy issues maybe

I am not confident enough to make the first move and dont think I have ever made the first move sober.....

Which is probably why I struggle so much

Right now I just want to be held I want to sit down in front of the fire with a good bottle of red and some candles lit and just talk into the night is that wrong