Sunday, 29 April 2007

Lazy Sunday

I Don't really know how this has worked me being the techy I am I have never owned a digital camera well not one that wasnt attached to a phone well the results you see before you are from a camera I have just had given to me by a friend ( Ray my Tattooist)

he has been out and brought himself a shiny new Camera this morning and asked me if I want this one, well who am I to turn down the re-home of old technology and It's not too bad a camera to get me started ;)

So by all accounts expect more pictures....

I'm gonna try and take some more of my new parts of my tattoo and may post them here ;)

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Thursday, 26 April 2007

I’m Late posting again ;(


I don't know why I am late posting….


Well I do and I don't ;o I had a very interesting Friday, My Brother "M" picked me up and Me "M" and his Partner "G" went to one of our local towns to a Vodka bar where my sister's Partner also "G" had hired out part of the bar for her birthday. This was the interesting part because "M" did not tell me that My Birth Mother "J" was going to be there until we where well and truly on our way. This caused me to nearly have a little bit of an episode as I hadn't been out in ages to attempt to deal with a crowd and I certainly hadn't been anywhere near my Family or that side of the Family in far too long I knew My sisters "L" & "C" where going to be there as it was "C's" Birthday and "M" had already informed me that "L" was running late plus she had emailed me earlier that day to ensure I was still going. (I have a history of hiding at the last minute & not coming out of my dark corner).

Anyway we got there it was half as scary as I had imagined and as it turns out "J" is going to Mexico very soon and had just had her Jabs and this had knocked her about so her and her husband (who is 4 Years older than me, yes you read that right 4 Years) where not coming. So that relaxed me a little bit. All In all I was very sociable, well in my own special way at one point a friend of "C's" started to hit on me over my Tattoo and I shied away and started to people watch out of a window but I had a good chat to my younger sister "L" and all in all enjoyed the night "M's" partner "G" only stayed for an hour or so as he doesn't really drink or do socialising but it was good of him to come out and me and "M" stayed until about midnight at which point we wandered round to another bar where our cousin "E" works.

"E" works in an eighties bar an wow we saw some sights she was acting a little weird and shy which I later found out was because she had had a run in with a customer earlier so we left had some chips (drunken munchies food) and "G" came and picked us up we went back to "M" & "G's" place where I eventually collapsed on the spare bed…..

I woke Saturday slightly hung over but not too bad had a fairly standard Saturday at work and the weekend generally passed without incident….

Monday, Tuesday of this week saw me unusually down which has really got to me be I think I am through it again now, well I hope.

There was an interesting development on Tuesday "B" got in touch and basically insisted I go on some kind of Adventure weekend, to bring me round the reasoning was exercise and meeting people. At one point she actually MSN'ed me saying please, please, do it…..

I just don't think it's my kind of thing and to be quite frank at the moment finances just aren't good enough for me to be planning anything other than Paris to which I already have the flights and concert tickets booked I just need somewhere to stay and spending money Mwaaa hah ha ah

She informed me that she is training for the Great North Run (news to me, an I am supposed to know her) and she said she feels great and home life is good….

Well work is going well for me at the moment, and home life stinks, I am lonely (cept for the Kids Q & Smeg (My cats) only thing keeping me sane) and I have very little to look forward to but I just couldn't be arsed to tell the happy little bunny ….


Nah I'm not bitter, I taste sweet honest ;)

Tuesday, 17 April 2007

Interview Me

Ok here's me losing my Meme Virginity (that is my first ever Meme lol)

I was interviewed by Fauve at I stabbed him in the head with a fork go have a look she's witty and her blog makes a good read

Right the interview

  1. Have you ever cheated on a spouse/significat other and if so, did they find out about it?

    Yes to my shame I cheated on my Ex "L" six months or so into our five year relationship with a random I picked up drunk one near Christmas this was the one and only time I still regret it even now and we aren't together and no she didn't find out
  2. Have you ever had phone sex?

    No, "B" asked me to once and I couldn't and the closest I got was writing her particularly vivid and sensuous erotic emails which I apparently have a talent for as she requested more
    and was amazed at the fact that they weren't written from a pleasure a male point of view (If that makes sense lol) (maybe one day Ill start another blog as she suggested I write more as she really, really enjoyed them if you get me ;) )
  3. What is your favorite song?

    Coming Undone by Korn it describes me to a tee

  4. If you had to pick a cartoon character to date, who would you pick and why?

    Lara Croft (ok not strictly a cartoon character, but come on….) She is the
    pixelated British heroine you just would, sad you say, I say I'm a geek at heart deal with it ;)
  5. What is your greatest strength?

    I would say it's probably my ability to listen It has been said on numerous occasions I am a very good listener…..

If you want to continue, here are the rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the


3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else

in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five


Hi Every one ;)

Ok first off update

Thanks for all the comments via the "B" situation I really can't get my head round her she did tell me the man her bed had gone to bed in a mood because she wouldn't (her words) f**k him if that's making things any clearer (not in my head) I dunno she's sposed to be a friend she s sposed to be a lot of things but the deeper I get the more confused I get her telling me the things she does sometimes just muddies the water….

I should tell you all I have recently given her the address to this Blog and I think she will have worked out who she is ;) and in a way it's a relief because I can't always tell her how I feel even though I would like to ;) well I have been to see my shrink today which was interesting in the fact that I came away crying (again) and he has suggested certain routes for me to take :-

  1. No more drink (ever)
  2. A course of therapy one to one social interaction and confidence therapy to develop social skills
  3. A course of medication to help with my mental imbalance


    I told him how Lonely I have been feeling and about the drink (I was really, really drunk on Saturday (one bottle of Jack to myself)) and mentioned the "B" situation and well I came away feeling drained and really stressed and tired but I feel better because there is some kind of road ahead…


    I really want to ask her if we can go out for some food just to sit down and chat and so I can try and rebuild a circle of friends but I don't trust myself to not want more from the relationship before all this emotion out in the open business I just enjoyed being her friend and it was what it was now I just don't know I feel like she is uncomfortable around me and there is always some ulterior motive….


    I mean when I said


    "you only ever talk to mean when your lonely bored or at work"


    She said


    "that's B*ll**ks cus I have a man in my bed"


    (yeah im repeating myself)


    But why I ask you…..




    I have a very active imagination everyone who knows me knows this an it just, well I don't really understand my emotions. But I think it hurt ?


    So in conclusion… As of today I am dry, I will need some help along this path people cus I have had 11 months off before but I have been drinking in probably what most would call excess now for 13 years and I do do most things to excess for no apparent reason other than to show that I can some form of attention seeking I think, I have come to some understanding today as to the reason I am the way I am and I am going to move towards changing this but it will be a long and arduos road and I hope you will all stick with me and help me along the way….


    Thank you



Sunday, 15 April 2007

Oh hello where is the world it’s foggy

Well hello ladies and gentlemen ;) I have had an interesting week... hold on while I get my filofax ;o

Oh good your still here ;)


Well what has this wek entailed ? Mostly work ;) which is no bad thing but you know it is tiring and I need a holiday and I am starting to get really lonely ;( I am due to go away in June for two weeks but besides really wanting to go to Paris I miss it so....


Who wants to go away alone really ?


I have a visit with my shrink on Tuesday 17th (wish me luck )


I have more tattoo work on the Thursday 19th (wish me luck )

And I m supposes to be going out for my sisters 25th on the Friday which isn't so much as wish me luck as can I face that kind of crowd WOW....


(don't wish me luck, PRAY)


Ok I want bloggier advice?

I spoke to "b" tonight and I think I annoyed her cus I made out that she only spoke to me when she was annoyed, bored or lonely and she pointed out that she had a man in her bed as we typed (MSN) so that was b*ll*cks so why was she talking to me, I couldn't work it out an dam confused ?


Answers on a postcard ?


Tuesday, 10 April 2007

O'Reilly Radar > Draft Blogger's Code of Conduct

OK People, I'll start by saying hello ;)

I think you one and all as blogggers should go and read this I'm kinda in two minds about this, on one side I think it is a good idea on the other I am not so sure if blogging isn't abou ttotal free speech... I mean Natural Mental Implosion wouldn't be the random out pourings from my brain if I scensored it now would it....

I'm unsure here comments welcomed in fact on this subject I think it sa must

O'Reilly Radar > Draft Blogger's Code of Conduct

Monday, 9 April 2007

I stand corrected

Good Evening ladies and Gentlemen I have been humbled by the comments and emails I have received regarding my Easter Saturday post so to rectify I would like to say I meant no offence and courtesy of my brothers boyfriend 'G' who makes his inaugural appearance here on NMI I would like to apologise to anyone I offended and thank 'G' for supplying me with the following


Holy Saturday

Holy Saturday is also known as Easter Even and the Great Sabbath. The term "Easter Even" was used by the 1549 Prayer Book. The 1979 BCP uses the title "Holy Saturday" for the Saturday before Easter (p. 283)

When is Holy Saturday?

It is the Saturday before Easter, the last day of Lent and is the day when Christ's body lay in His Tomb. In the early church Holy Saturday was a day of fasting and preparation for the Easter Vigil.

What happened on the day before Easter Sunday?

This day was the Sabbath and the day which Jesus rested in the grave.

Easter Vigil

Easter Vigil, dating back to at least the Roman times, takes place on Holy Saturday. The Easter Vigil is a service held in many Christian churches as the official celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. The service includes the first use of the word alleluia since the beginning of Lent as well as the first Eucharist of Easter.

The Easter Vigil is celebrated by the use of a wax candle which is inscribed with a cross. The letters alpha and omega are inscribed at the top and bottom and the four numbers representing the current year are inscribed above and below the cross arms. Five grains representing the wounds of Christ are sometimes pushed into the soft wax.

Traditional Holy Saturday Event

The Bacup Nutters Dance traditionally takes place on this day in the small Pennine town of Bacup. Each year a team of folk-dancers with blackened faces dance through the town from boundary to boundary. A form of morris dancing, the blackened faces may either reflect a need for the dancers to disguise their faces from evil spirits, or have a mining connection. The tradition of this dance is thought to date back to 1857.

Easter Saturday

Holy Saturday is also often incorrectly called Easter Saturday, a term that correctly refers to the following Saturday after Easter.


So I stand corrected and am humbled……


Im off to Michele's

Saturday, 7 April 2007

Easter Saturday – (Rock Moving Saturday)

Does anyone know or can anyone tell me what today is called we have Good Friday, Easter Sunday, Mourning Monday ? Does Saturday have a name or is it all alone cast aside ? As you may or may not be able to tell I am not particularly religious I am not as ignorant as I sometimes portray and I do appreciate and respect peoples beliefs and other Religions but this has had me pondering today ?

Minor update on todays chaos / Farce I still haven't found my tickets but in the great tradition that is of giving chocolate on Easter I have been given a Yorkie Easter Egg (can you say Mmmmmm) and a bottle of Jack Daniels……

Don't ask……

I am currently off the drink to lose some weight (very successful dieting process, if anyones interested I lost 5 Stone ;) ) but a whole bottle of Jack Daniels……

Will power, will power, will power…….


I have none ;(

The Weather is Lovely ;)

Well the weather over here on the emerald isle is fantastic this Easter weekend the sun is shining and the atmosphere is jovial ;)

On a stinky note I cant find my ticket for tonight ;( Ahhhhh

Im sure ill find it

I have had more Tattoo (see sidebar) ;) The pictures were taken yesterday so I hope to have them uploaded soon, well as soon as I get them off the photographer ;)

What am I doing today, well I am standing in for a member of staff as we have given him the weekend off to go and spend with his daughter and girlfriend and attempting to find my Ticket ?

Other than that its quiet so I'm going to meander over to Michele's and say Hello ;)

Wednesday, 4 April 2007

So I’m still here an I ve had a great day

Well have had a really good day today its been busy its getting busier and tonight I am actually going to chill out and relax ;) Its been an awesome sunny day which I think has lifted spirits in general ;)

I have had an email off my sister prompting me to agree to go to my other sisters 25th Birthday party yes I know I really should go ;) An you know what I just might ;)

I had an awesome meeting today where by my company are going to pilot an IT standard in the UK which is brilliant for us ;)

And Im still single ;)

I spoke to "you" today why I still persevere there I don't know its obvious we are just meant to be friends but she is sooo cute ;(

Did I mention in the previous post on Sunday when I got really drunk I think I got chatted up ;o Im not sure cus memory is a drunken blur but I have some vagueness about it lol

Anyway I told "B" about this and she questioned me about the situation and we surmised that I had nothing in common with this woman so there it ended but it was a weird conversation in so much as I haven't heard from "B" since and she was just bein weird…..

Ahhh its probably just me

Ladies and Gentlemen unless I can find any one as kooky and weird as me I am destined to be single and that's that

Tuesday, 3 April 2007

Oooh I’ve been meaning to….

Afternoon people ;) I have been politely prodded by a fellow blogger today to update my blog as I have ‘nt been on for tooo long, an for why you ask? Well basically I have been meaning to ;o you know whats its I like, I must do that oh I must do that…..
An somewhere along the lines I managed to neglect my blog, well that’s just not on now is it ;(
So I have been popping along to Michele’s commenting happily and completely forgetting to post ;(
So where have I been well for most of the week I was stressing about a presentation I was giving to local parents on Wednesday which actually went quite well for a first run ;) Turn out was really bad but that just showed there was more apathy than we expected which I cant control, I mean I was in the local press four times and on the radio lol
Then Thursday I had some more work on my tattoo ;) two and a bit hours of real therapy this psychiatry business is jus psycho babble get your ass under the gun for a couple of hours it sorts everything out ;) He has again done an awesome job and it is looking superb so more pictures soon….
Thursday I went to the pub then toddled off home rather tipsy but chilled and inked up, Friday I popped round to my tattooist to pick up some of the hemp healing goo and his lovely assistant also known as his ex wife and business partner let it slip that there had been a cancelation and well it would have been rude to say no….
So Friday I had another hour ;) Oh therapy in bulk ;) on my elbow and again he pulled it out of the bag its looking awesome ;)
Then the debauchery started ……
We popped over the road for a couple of beers and I think I ended up in there til quite late ooops…
So I was delicate Saturday morning which didn’t end til Saturday afternoon at which point a friend of ours who has just landed a job in Brussels as a stagier for the Labour Party I think it may well be called the socialist party im not sure (answers on a postcard) popped in to say he was back for the weekend and we where to catch him for a beer later and so out for something to eat and then into the pub to catch “G” for a beer the pub was rammed so I only really got to chat to him in the Toilets (don’t ask) and he was well and we arranged to meet up properly on Sunday as he was with his brother and some mates so I sloped off to my crowd and left relatively sensibly….
Sunday comes I get up, go round to a friends for breakfast we pop over to his godfathers to deliver a machine to him that I repaired and then we get back about 4 and I hit the pub well…. Next thing I know its Monday I can hardly see stand or breathe and it feels like there is a french brass band and a roadside work crew in my head all competing fro space and volume……
What a weekend…..
This weekend should be fun I have tickets to the Launch night of Blood Relative at the paintworks in Bristol but me being me I have no –one to go with so it’s a case of go alone or ask that question…..