Wednesday, 31 October 2007

Well, when I say drugs I am talking over the counter prescribed medication & when I say rampant orgies I am talking out of my arse....

but it got you reading thus far. First off apologies for the spelling in prior posts I am going to make a marked improvement there I am going to use spell check. I know, I know, I am just bloody lazy.

Well what has actually been happening, well not all that much I have been responding well to the medication which is good.

Ok Ok I have been sneakily grabbing the odd cigarette after quitting some 10 weeks ago but its the drink I tell you its the drink !

anyway I havent had a drink or a cigarette since tuesday and I am going to make a determined effort to stay away from both well not have either anywho...

So whats new in my world well, the anger issues are interesting in the fact that now I know what they are I can kind of try and sit them out!

I tell you what though......

I have just put on some weight on recently I have turned into a right porker, now my psychiatrist tells me this is part of the course of the medications so hey get on with it body, the minor problem being my clothes are getting to the cloth not wrapping around body stage

but hey my shrink said one thing at a time so Im with him.......

now there are some custard filled chocolate covered donuts around here somewhere

L out

Thursday, 25 October 2007

Well good Morning,

Just let me give you a little background I am having mood swings on a daily basis but not what can be described as mood swings like one mood tuesday another wednesday....

Oh no where it that simple my mood can change within a ten minute conversation I can be talking to somebody and start off agressive and uite confrontational and come away the nicest person that you have met my mood shifts that quickly of its own bloody accord then there is almost an underlying second stage which is my external mood which in a way triggers the other moods. So if I am feeling well and ok and everything is running smoothly then my moods will swing a certain way yet if I am stressed or down or under the weather then a completely different kettle of fish is with us.

That's how P&C likes to play not exactly fair now is it as you will see I have been attempting to get to grips with the whole thing and it will come over time.

I went to bed last night after eating and I pretty much had to force myself to do that not because I was down or not hungry mainly because I was so tired, so I ate and then went for a lie down I think I breifly wok esome time between 11 and 12 and then went back to bed then I wok ejust before 5 this morning feeling slightly groggy but awake and just morning groggy nothing else which was interesting because I have been feeling shite all week and hardly sleeping anf last night I slept like a baby.

Go figure ?

All I can say is I feel good today Good Morning World ;)

bring on the weekend ;)

P&C your a bastard for the last three days

Linkage of the day I have been an avid Gmail user for god knows how long now and ts ace but dont listen to me go have a look

Actually while we are talkingabout links I have also become some what of a facebook addict in recent months if you arent using which I cant believe go hve a look

L out

Wednesday, 24 October 2007

So it turns out P&C kept me up til god knows what time last night...

(ok it was gone 5 )

I got up at 8 (late groggy and generally feeling like shite) had the day from hell (emotionally) I kept feeling faint and tired like I had been punched in the stomach and worked from 9 til 1830 and generally had a very productiove day workwise which begs the question Why?

P&C had me thinking all kinds of things over last night I got into the office this morning and everybody had at least four emails a piece from me about something I had written up or ranted on me last night, most amusing as it even got brought up in a client meet & greet that I can be very productive at unusual hours (reassuring the prospective client that we can 24 hr roll their server)

I got in from our last call an internet hook up and literally hit the sack woke up at 11 and am still here now three hours later ok I'm tired an I think I may fall asleep but is this a visuos cycle that will end in a really bad week who knows who dares to wonder....

Actually I tell you who probably knows P&C I bet he's sitting there up in my mind with a lofty expanisve view chuckling his loopy little guts up knowing I have the accelorator and the gears, he has the steering wheel the clutch and the handbrake come on P&C bring it on.

I have had a major fall out nee barny come war with my closest by age brother M which I could go into detail about but right now every time I think about him I want to burn something so I think well save that one for either later My shrinks office or the mental shredder.


oooh quicky I nearly forgot to mention go visit a very humourous friend of mine Musings of a Marginal go on your boss is on lunch and you know that paperwork can wait


Tuesday, 23 October 2007

Well the question is are these tablets working my moods are to shit at the moment. Actually they are'nt I think I am just focusing on the dark ones and the paranoia appears to be coming thick and fast I just think I have to fight it hard and not take it out on any one.

I am definately affected by stress it ithout doubt kicks off my episodes, that I have spotted on a couple of occasions and although my Dr told me these new tablets would affect my weight I really have piled it on but there again I am comfort eating again because my moods are up and down all the time its hard to find a good balance I need to excercise....

That dread that fills us all when we think of the push it takes to get us to excersice urrrgh

I have a definate look of pork mountain about me lol


on a positive note I am taking links for every one that reads and comments between now and christmas I will add a link to my site

come on peeps link it up

Oh and go and visit Art Collective

This week me and P&C ( I am renaming my illness this because as previously stated it is like sharing your mind with a very real version of your confidence and paranioa but they have the ability to take over gaffa tape you to a chair and leave you there while they wreak havoc) have been listening to Russell Brand very funny guaranteed thave me laughing inanely for what appears to be no reason (if I have my hoody on of course lol.) and to eep it at least slightly techie related Boag World

Now we are tired and are going to try not to stay awake til stupid hours for no apparent reason


L (previously Oracle, now L and P&C or L or insane or that person you cross over to avoid or just plain good old "wibble")

Sunday, 21 October 2007

We are having fun

Well hello there ;) I am not sure what I am going to write here so I am just going to start and hope my brain catches up with me.....

I have got to try and keep a mood diary to try and keep tabs on my illness so I can also try and get in front of the episodes, this all sounds quite explosive and destructive well it is and its isn't....

I share my mind with Cyclothymia which when it comes to an explanation is a little like having your confidence and paranoia mentally in control I am there as a member of the audience screaming for them to stop but they refuse to listen...

Now you see I have always assumed you where all like this as well I didn't realise I was any different I just assumed you never said anything about it but no it turns out its just me and 1% of the population, this so they tell me is quite a severe mental illness and it does explain some of my prior issues I am now being medicated permanently for the rest of my natural life which if it keeps them at bay in any way you know isn't all that bad it actually makes it quite interesting because now I don't have to feel guilty about what I thought where fuck ups I just have to fight the animal that is trying to cause them....

Well guess what Muther F*$cker im up for a fight so bring it on...

On another note this is a new interest of mine Art Gallery if you would have a look and tell your friends I'd really appreciate it ;)

More soon

Friday, 12 October 2007

Radar: Pictures

Radar: Pictures

Hey People a little off topic for me but go and have a look at this nifty app I just found for loading your pictures to the web from your phone its nice and sleek

Thursday, 11 October 2007

I share my mind with Bipolar Disorder

Ok I think I am starting again.

It turns out I have been misdiagnosed

I found out last Friday the 5th October from my new Dr (Dr Kumar) that I have Bipolar Disorder Which fits as to why the Cipralex (Anti depressant) wasn't working or at least appeared to be making my mood swings worse or the heightened states (mania) higher seemingly making the downs lower.

Anywho I am now on mood Stabilisers I started them also on Friday and so far so good although I didn't sleep so good last night and I am still here now 00:46am so maybe this is a sign of a cycle starting I don't know Im new to this well Im new to the insight anyway

I had some paranoia last night which I recognised which is good.

I have been asked to narrate my story and my issues to a lecture on Monday at my local mental health clinic so I am going to try and document a few things here to give me a reminder for Monday but also use my blog as my new mood diary to see if I cant learnt to spot the cycles


I also want to apologise any one who knew me when the illness had a hold, the various symptoms that I always thought was me being reckless, who knew I was ill its a shame I wasn't diagnosed earlier some of this could have been prevented.


So to anyone I hurt, misled, fiscally challenged or deceived (unintentionally) emotionally abused or mentally drained or just upset or made them tired in anyone I am not just blaming the illness because iI could have researched it myself and maybe self diagnosed and done something earlier so a portion of the blame lies with me BUT a PORTION not all I have to realise that a part of anything I do makes me responsible in a way always even if just a small portion but also I have to understand that I cannot be held totally responsible for an undiagnosed then misdiagnosed chemical imbalance......


So lets start again shall we



Im L, I share my Mind with Bipolar disorder. Its ever so nice to meet you I cant tell you if We are going to have a good day or not yet we really don't know.

Sunday, 7 October 2007


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