Ok I think I am starting again.
It turns out I have been misdiagnosed
I found out last Friday the 5th October from my new Dr (Dr Kumar) that I have Bipolar Disorder Which fits as to why the Cipralex (Anti depressant) wasn't working or at least appeared to be making my mood swings worse or the heightened states (mania) higher seemingly making the downs lower.
Anywho I am now on mood Stabilisers I started them also on Friday and so far so good although I didn't sleep so good last night and I am still here now 00:46am so maybe this is a sign of a cycle starting I don't know Im new to this well Im new to the insight anyway
I had some paranoia last night which I recognised which is good.
I have been asked to narrate my story and my issues to a lecture on Monday at my local mental health clinic so I am going to try and document a few things here to give me a reminder for Monday but also use my blog as my new mood diary to see if I cant learnt to spot the cycles
I also want to apologise any one who knew me when the illness had a hold, the various symptoms that I always thought was me being reckless, who knew I was ill its a shame I wasn't diagnosed earlier some of this could have been prevented.
So to anyone I hurt, misled, fiscally challenged or deceived (unintentionally) emotionally abused or mentally drained or just upset or made them tired in anyone I am not just blaming the illness because iI could have researched it myself and maybe self diagnosed and done something earlier so a portion of the blame lies with me BUT a PORTION not all I have to realise that a part of anything I do makes me responsible in a way always even if just a small portion but also I have to understand that I cannot be held totally responsible for an undiagnosed then misdiagnosed chemical imbalance......
So lets start again shall we
Im L, I share my Mind with Bipolar disorder. Its ever so nice to meet you I cant tell you if We are going to have a good day or not yet we really don't know.