Quote Of the Day

iGoogle: "Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there."

Hello all, I hope your having a lovely weekend ;)

BB

Lee

Hello World Again !

Hey I'm back again,

 

I dunno depression is an absolute arse I tell ya one day your up another your down there is now way of knowing how long your gonna be up for when your gonna come back down whether your gonna come back up, It has to be far and away the most annoying illness I have ever had the misfortune to have...

You see there I said it illness, thats another thing that annoys me about this illness so many people ignore it or pretend its ok or assume jus because you got some medication and you have a good day its all good now. Well no its not yes i have the odd good day and some days I feel better than others but Im not cured far from it i have only just really owned up to the fact to how ill I am when will YOU start....

I think there are more things wrong with me that lead to or from the depression...

I'm Lonely

I think Im impotent

I have one testicle (I had the other removed, cancer scare)

I have anger issues

I have intimacy issues

The list goes on....

What really frustrates me sometimes is I feel good enough to go on and take that next step then not a short skip, step down the line and Im cowering under a pillow again pretending me and the world don't exist.

I'm reading

Books on Buddhism, self motivation, self hypnosis, paganism, positive thinking, path working and the myth that is Judaea Christianity and none of it seems to help.

I met a fellow depressive a week ago last Saturday its the first female I have felt comfortable with in a while she dragged me off to the garden of the jazz bar we where in and asked about me.... Yes folks you read that correctly I finally thought I had found somebody I clicked with not somebody who was gonna mess with my head we talked I listened she listened then it just came out I said "can I kiss you" (I know don't ask I don't know) and she said " I have a boyfriend" well you know what I say lucky him she had the sexiest voice I have heard in a long time, really gorgeous eyes and she was intelligent, I think I insulted her cus i asked her if she would hold me when we got back out friends house and she said "if you where my girlfriend and you knew that was going on you wouldn't be happy" so fair point but she was awesome and you know what the next day (ok over e-mail) I told her.....

I haven't heard from her since we kinda destroyed my buoyancy and a whole chunk o' my confidence but hey its a step in my on going evolution

Ok things to check out im not linking you all have google and I have no motivation at the mo'

Newton Faulkner

Apocalyptica

Our new venture www.collective-art.com

Zeitgeist the Movie

And go be nice to some one i dunno' why just go by nice to some one and send me a penny in paypal I dunno why it just seems like a good idea

Oracle out

 

I have been finding myself

Hello people I have missed you all ;) I haven't been online in so long and I miss it mentally and physically. I have realised I need my blog/Journal to keep me somewhat sane it is one of the many tools I use to balance my mental and my physical and I really should make all the effort to keep it up I have been having an inwardly dark month and I really don't know why I have been discovering new things.

 

I have baked cookies

I have made smoothies

I have learnt how to use essential oils to calm and relax me

I have found Liquorice root (Mmmm yeah)

I have missed all my online friends and fellow bloggers, I haven't even been in a state to visit my good friends… Well I made an appointment to go and see the doc today as I thought I was getting so much better and obviously I am not, so I will ask them to up the dosage once more ;( I need to excersice I am sure that will help but as any one who has been where I am will know motivation is a major difficulty when you are down in the dark and its not good but with the new tools and coping strategies I am developing I am hoping motivation is going to come with the pile. Here's hoping

 

Movement

I just like this ;)

a Picture within a picture

A picture within a picture I was actually trying to photograph the rain on the bottom of the window

I only actually posted this picture to amuse myself as today I realised my reading Lamp on my desk at the office looked like a Skutter from Red Dwarf ok Missing the fingers but its my Imagination stop messing......

Oh an I've had the day from Hell cus BT decided to bugger my phone lines and Bills to high heaven they didn't even use Lube or leave a tip so Ive come in had a brew a prawn mayo, chive and roquefort sandwhich, then I finished the last of the afore mentioned Toffee Shortbread then the fudge that I have fudged that hasn't quite set I had put in the freezer and I poured some over double choc chip muffin's yes comfort food is the only way to relieve stress after you have made call centre staff cry

Quick Edit, possibly an aside I just had a visit from the ever Lovely Michele

(go visit an say Hi...... No now, not later now........ You aren't Listening ;) ...... )

She lets many of us litter her blog with our comments and brings us together in many ways for that and the Comment I would like to say thank you Michele ;)

Thank you

oh and the fudge was fantastic

See how beautiful this looks and yet is was grey bleak and miserable outside but this rock brightened my whole day, a totally new experience for me ;)