Blah where do I start

Well I went to see the doc yesterday I got up feeling rough and slightly deaf and I thought this ain't right surely? So on arriving at the office I rang for an emergency appointment and surprisingly enough got one, toddled off down to the doc he looks down my ear and his first words are eurrgh….

Which I wasn't expecting, turns out I have had this ear infection for a couple of weeks an my body has been ignoring it or I have who knows, well he puts me on ear spray and antibiotics, I then have to inform him I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow for my prescription for ssri's to make sure things to conflict. Now this was strange for me cus I never really used to take tablets and all of a sudden my life is to be very involved arrange around these weird little pills. They are going to improve my quality of life greatly so I don't mind its just strange for me to think I will rely on someone other than myself. I asked my doc who was really good by the way about the issues with ssri's and he put me at ease saying look if something is wrong you fix it that is what you are doing with the ssri's an when he put it like that I thought "yeah that makes sense".

So I troddled off to see my psychiatrist today who I talked about the issues I have been having and how the boundary between work and play and my dark days is getting blurry and that I thought I was ready to accept chemical help in sorting this issue out and he told me he would write the scrip for me refer me for some confidence building therapy and see how I coped on the meds. You know what I already feel slightly better I am out of sorts today but I already feel slightly more at ease in myself in that I am a step closer to the end to this dark evolution of me I am sure I will come out the other side a better and more understanding person but I have to say this journey has been pants….

On a different note I have been invited to my mums 49^th birthday bash tomorrow to which I am going hesitantly but I really do have to go there are bridges that need building there so it's a first step and all but I am on antibiotics at the mo and I really should stay on them and continue the course, but do I sneak a wee drinky in tomorrow night (we all know where one leads come on lets be realistic its me compulsive addictive personality over here) or do I be a good boy and stay sober….

Well answers on a postcard please

*side note*

I gave my psychiatrist the url to this blog today so if you're here and reading it welcome and thanks for everything

Here is a picture a friend of mine did and gave me for my birthday I cant remember if I have shown you guys before, I really like it makes me smile. An right now I need a smile, I have a really nasty ear infection....

It hurts I am on ear spray and antibiotics and I am going to see the Head Doc about my happy pills today so maybe I'll update you all later today ;)

Time for change

I need to change what I am doing, but we all know change is difficult. I am not getting out any where to meet new people, ok I am getting out more than I was six months ago but I need to expand my hobbies or move further afield I need to expand my group of contacts I feel like punching myself for thinking this never mind typing it but I need to network. In a whole variety of Levels I need to get my social skills up to scratch again and I need to build my confidence levels up again. I have forgot to tell you all I went for a drink with my family last Monday for my Dad's birthday and my Mum was there and she invited me to her birthday party this Saturday the 26^th which was nice and I haven't been able to face going to my Mum's for some time actually the last time my brother tried to take me there I had some what of a panic attack well this time there is going to be a whole lot of people there drinking or drunk that I don't or won't know, there will be family as well and I am going to go and enjoy myself.

Anywho here we go.....

Ok somewhere something went wrong ;o

Yes I am still trying to get to sleep but I have realised in my half awake half asleep phase, I used to have some if limited success with women ( I once managed to talk my way into a liaison with a woman much older than me 14 years ago she was 2 years older than I am now we are indeed talking mrs Robinson I was well happy with myself ) Anyway so we have gone from illicit Liaisons with older women to younger women to mass confusion but basically none and these days my confidence with women is zilch, nil nada.....

But I ask ya I must have had a slippery tongue or some persuasive guile at some point cus on memory I haven't done half bad, or is my deluded brain making things up for itself to make me feel better?

No its not "C" was an absolutely awesome kisser, as yet unrivalled

But that doesn't get my confidence back it just means I ahve some memories to keep me warm at night, I wanna know what went wrong, no scratch that I don't I just wanna know how to fix it

The Song to my Life

I was quite happily lying there letting my Ipod rock me off to sleep when a song caught my ear and woke my out of almost slumber, on Listening to the lyrics ~Pink – The One that got Away ~ I have decided this is my problem I let them get away this should be the song to my life well lets say the song to my relationship history so all I need now is a birth wedding and funeral song.....

Oh maybe a failed engagement, failed relationship, nearing drinking problem, cancer near miss, one testicle removal possible nervous breakdown........

No scratch that I need an Album

Enjoying a lazy Sunday as you can see the weather is good ;)

Oh bugger Im a moron

I have just realised I have effectively annihilated my anonymity by publishing a link to face book I am a moron sometimes and I preach to people about staying safe online what a complete Muppet is I

*edit*

Problem solved ;) I removed the link yeah you 'll find it if you want to but its not painfully obvious

*edit*